A few weeks ago I read an article in a national newspaper about a man who committed suicide on the day a judge was set to rule on his case. A guilty verdict would have meant he would go to jail. Ironically, the judge ruled later in the day that the man was innocent of the charges.
There’s a lot of social/moral questions that arise out of that kind of a situation, but let’s just focus for a moment on the incredible irony of someone doing the ultimate in giving up, just when he’s on the verge of a breakthrough.
While I pray that most of us never come to a point of wanting to give up on life, my experience tells me that most of us face some deep despair and disappointment at some point in our lives. Many smart, functioning people feel absolutely desperate and despondent on the inside, yet they hide it from all except those closest to them.
With the loss of financial stability and the facade of living on credit wiped away by last years financial collapse many people are struggling to keep up with it all. Truth be told, they’d love to just give up and quit.
I spend every day working with those who are in lifes most desperate situations and I can tell you without fear of contradiction it’s ALWAYS too soon to quit. You can change directions, rethink your plans, head down a different road, re-orient your life and values, but DON’T quit.
Why is it ALWAYS too soon to quit? Here are a few quit reasons I’ve noticed over the years:
1. Tomorrow is a new day. As trite as it seems, it’s true. You don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring. You think the world is against you and it seems destined to be “Guilty” and yet tomorrow might bring a different verdict. It’s amazing the difference a little time can make. I believe that many divorces, suicide attempts, and relationship problems could be avoided if people would just go to bed and wake up ready to take a fresh look at it in the morning! I’m serious, so many midnight decisions look tragic in the light of day. Don’t give up, morning is coming.
2. You’ve more control than you think. Most people quit because they believe it doesn’t matter what they do, it will never turn out right. But really more of an emotional response than a rational one. The fact is that you have control over many, if not most, of the outcomes of a situation. This is true even if you have no control over the situation itself. Perhaps the best example of this is the response of people who suffered as prisoners of war. There are numerous books that talk about how attitude, not circumstance, was the determinate factor in surviving. Books like Night by Eli Wiesel, Good to Great by Jim Collins (Stockdale Principle) and more.
3. Things Change. Most people quit thinking that the circumstances they are battling are permanent, but they aren’t. Things change. Don’t accept negative as permanent. Work to make a positive change and believe that it’s possible.
4. Every Decision Resets Potential Outcomes. I once heard someone refer to leadership being “like billiards”. Once someone shoots, all the billiard balls are reorganized and it’s a whole new setup. I’ve often thought of how true that is. When you make a decision to stick with it and fight, all the opposition in the universe has to rethink their opposition to you. You are changing the game when you decide not to quit. What happens when you make a decision to live 100% in the belief that you were made for something great? People will have to deal with the more positive, optimistic you. They will reevaluate their doubts, judgements and conclusions. Over time, you will potentially win back friends and supporters. It’s a whole new game when you decide to make the most of a tough situation.
5. Most things only require you “hang in there”. Not everything in this world requires you to be the best. In fact, most things just require that you be present. Unfortunately, being “present” is just too much for some people, so they don’t even make an effort. So you’ve made mistakes, made decisions that you wish you could change, don’t drop out- show up and hang in there. Most failures have the potential for success buried within if you could look at them objectively.
6. Bad news isn’t always bad. I recently read an article about companies that were started by folks who were laid off in the past recessions and used their layoff as the motivation to start doing what they loved and always dreamed of doing. (unfortunately I can’t seem to find the link to this article, but I will keep searching) This rings true in my life. Some of my biggest disappointments are now blessings that I only recognize with the passing of time.
Every day we are helping people at the Tacoma Rescue Mission get set free from the biggest problems our society is facing. Addiction, poverty, homelessness and many more problems are being conquered by those we are serving. Yet every day we see people in those same situations who try and convince us that it is too late and that there is no point to living. Nonsense! It’s always too soon to quit- don’t give up on your life.
I’d be happy to talk with anyone who is facing a problem so big they just want to quit. please email me at davidc@trm.org if the problem is private or post a response here and I’ll respond to you.
DC