With as much time as most of us thinking of ourselves, it’s amazing that our self-perception is so often wrong. In my opinion, truly healthy people seek to see themselves accurately. To do this, you need to step every once in a while and try to view yourself (actions, motives, words, performance, emotions, etc.) from an distance.
How was is the gap between the way you see yourself and the feedback you get from others?
Often when we are thinking of ourselves we are using “explanatory theory”. We are explaining our actions to ourselves. Usually in the most complementary terms. This kind of rationalization often sounds like this: “You deserved to go off on that person”, “Yes, you were short with that person, but you are busy today”, and so on.
Are you letting yourself off the hook for bad decisions? Are you explaining away rudeness, anger, addiction? Do you justify poor performance at work, or lazy leadership with mental excuses without even realizing it? Do you explain away your faults, giving yourself maximum grace while holding people to unrealistic standards?
It’s not unusual to get caught up with your own mental rationalizations, we all do it. Yet to be healthy, happy people, we have to be willing to face reality, even when reality means that we’ve been wrong.
