For years I’ve been a fan of Garrison Keilor’s Prairie Home Companion for his unparreleled ability to imagine and tell a story that will get you wrapped up in another world. Nearly always there is a moral or two in his weekly updates from that the land where “the women are strong, the men are good looking and the children are all above average”, Lake Wobegon.
Some of you may recall his story A Rich, Full Life, in which he makes the statement, “any two people can be friends if they find the way in which they need each other”.
Over the years I’ve often ruminated on that statement and wondered about how to bring people together. It’s one of the great questions non-profit leaders should be asking.
Here are a few ideas for how to bring people of different backgrounds, competing interests, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles together.
1. Common Love. Years ago when we were embroiled in the cold war there was a movement to appeal to both America and Russia to abandon mutually assured destruction by considering their love of their children. At the time I thought it was a compelling argument and history has now shown that this kind of thinking was playing a part in bringing people to a point of agreement, even if it wasn’t the tipping point for the fall of the Soviet Union. Is there a common object, person, goal that you and your opposition both love? Can you try to bring the focus on this?
2. Common Values. Strangely, often people with very similar values end up at war because of personal grievances. You agree on everything, but you just can’t get along and see eye to eye. This is prideful, petty and very, very human. It’s also very common. Trying to refocus on the values and commonalities can often be just enough to help people forgive and refocus.
3. Common Enemy. Often you can bring people together who totally disagree if they have a common enemy. That enemy can be something totally abstract, like hunger, fear, or terrorism. It can also be a person, say, Osama Bin Laden. In no way am I advocating that this is a useful tactic in most situations, but in some circumstances it is entirely healthy.
4. Common Goals. Often people really want to end up at the same place, they just totally disagree about how to get there. Such is life. Sometimes that cannot be easily bridged, but often it helps to bring people back to the common goals.
In the end, sometimes you can’t bring people together, the differences are too great. But it is always worth a try.
What do you think of my list? Are there other ways we can bring people together who are at war? Share you ideas, I’d love to hear them.
David Curry
