Just a few weeks ago I shared a blog about Journaling through challenging days, which talked about how important it is to write out your thoughts and emotions when you are going through grief, struggle and difficulty. At that time, I shared the eulogy I had written for my grandmother, who was very close to me and everyone in my family.
Today we honoring my mother Barbara Curry, and her life, after she passed away last Wednesday January 11, 2012 from complications from a reaction to some medication given her during heart surgery. Since we all go through this, at least four of us in the Administration office at the Rescue Mission have buried a parent this year, I thought I would again share the eulogy I will be reading today at the funeral.
My hope is that by sharing my personal journey, it will encouarge you to journal and write as you travel down the path you are walking.
A Eulogy for my mother, Barbara Curry.
Barbara Annette Curry was born on July 12, 1941 and passed away with her family around her on January 11, 2012. She left a legacy of her husband Stuart, sister Sharon Glassy, her children Steven (Coleena) Curry, Robert Curry, Becky DelaCruz, David (Kate) Curry, Dean (Anne) Curry, and Stuart (Ann) Curry. She had 17 grandchildren, and 3 great-grandchildren.
Some people cannot easily be defined with a few words. Barbara could be: Jesus, Family, Friends, and parties. Just a few weeks ago our family said goodbye to my Grandmother Frances Glassy. The two passing away so closely together has been especially challenging. Frances lived a particularly long and full life. She was a person with a handful of incredibly deep and meaningful relationships, and we loved her for her ability to be so influential in her small, direct circle. Barbara, while having the same loving demeanor, was a person who had a wide and ever expanding circle of friends. All of whom, even if she just met them, she was invested in and cared about…and we loved her for it.
She had hobbies: Gardening, collecting dolls, and other things. Some suspected that she might be adding hobbies so that she could participate in more parties, meetings, get-togethers and small groups. Any reason, no matter how small, was a valid excuse for getting together to Barbara. If there was no apparent reason for a party, she would begin to build up a small event to justify the party.
Barbara was a great wife to Stuart Curry. She was a loving and patient person, who cared for, and took interest in, Dad and his hobbies. Dad returned the favor and was always happy to accompany her to her events and clubs. I think I speak for Stuart when I say that he has no particular interest in paper dolls. For Dad to participate with mom in her gardening clubs, paper dolls events, and other things, it had to be love. They were a pair for over 40 years and their love got better with time.
The priority for her was her grandchildren and children. She was a loving mom, a doting and thoughtful grandmother and great-grandmother. Whatever interest her kids and grandkids had, she invested in it and tried to share it. Each season she had traditions that she built with first her children and then grandchildren, which were so important to her, because they were connection points with the ones she loved. Her love for her family was returned to her. We love her very much and we mourn her absence. Because Barbara loved people, she was most often the one who brought us together.
Her capacity for friendship was limitless. She had so many friends because she was a good friend. Always remembering her friends and finding interest with others, her selflessness was shown in how she focused on others. Since her passing we have heard from so many of her friends, each with a different connection and often from different groups, but all who loved her and thought her to be one of the kindest people they’d ever met. Because she was. Here are just a few of the notes people have left for her:
Kathleen wrote: Barbara was twice my roomie at the Cannon Beach Women’s Retreat, she was my fundraising partner for the HIV/AID orphans in Lesotho, Africa, a fellow chocolate lover, and a Jesus girl. Barbara, I will always think of you when smores are on the menu, lavender is in bloom and women’s small groups convene. The children you never met on the other side of the world will always remember the Love of the Lord thanks to your generous spirit.
Chris wrote: Dear Barbara, Jesus has indeed given you a new heart. You will be missed here, but we know that you are resting completely in Jesus. It has been such a blessing to be in prayer with you weekly over the year. You are such a beautiful woman of God and we will all join you for the greatest family reunion. Save a seat for me next to you
Val wrote: I am so, so thankful God gave us extra special memories this Christmas with one another. God knew that those memories would be treasures for me to have when you were gone. Oh, what a good time you are having with my Mom in heaven…I am sure she is thanking you for loving me like a daughter while on this earth.
Gayle wrote: I loved your zeal for Christ and how you put all your energies into His work, your family, and friends. What an encouragement you were to me in the Moms In Prayer ministry.
Darlene wrote: Barbara, cookie grandma, showed me what a true grandma/mom should be, she was my first grandma experience. The love she shared with me was wonderful and I will never ever forget her and her beautiful smile. I cherished those wednesday nights when we would have dinner at Stuart and Barbs, loved sitting around the table and enjoying her delicious food. Her house was always full of kids, love and laughter.
….and there are so many other friends who could say the same thing and more.
That was Barbara Curry. There were many powerful lessons that she exampled to those that were paying attention. Never take offense, always be loving, encourage others, serve one another, be hospitable and be forgiving. She wasn’t one to keep a grudge or replay past hurts, and she certainly could have. People let her down and she had disappointments and discouragement’s. Yet when you talked to her you sensed she wasn’t looking for the worse, but trying to find the best. Our family often remarked that she could find something good to say about anyone. What a wonderful gift that is.
Her family was a tight knit group. The three girls were her mother Frances, her sister Sharon and Barbara. They raised and cared for our family together, the three of them. Barbara didn’t do it alone. Those three women and my dad Stuart worked hard, nurtured and provided for their family. The result is a group of people who stick together, believe the best of each other, and forgive each other when necessary, and it is often necessary. But that is what she did and would do.
When we lost our Frances, GG, a few weeks ago we all took it pretty hard. I’m certain that my mother, Becky and Sharon took it hardest of all, although they were so graceful about their grief. However, Barbara struggled with having my grandmother gone. My mother called GG every morning, as she did with many people, and talked with her for at least a half an hour, and she deeply missed that time. She commented that mornings were so tough without GG, and that she sometimes didn’t know what to do without her.
As she was praying and working through her grief she decided that her focus for the new year would be grateful. That was her word for 2012. She would be grateful.
As she was working through her grief for the loss of her mom, and desiring to work on gratitude, she wrote out a reminder to herself to read each day while she was in the kitchen. It simply said this:
“It’s not about me, it’s about what’s best for her.”
Barbara wanted to remind herself that she knew, no matter how much she missed her mom, that she was in heaven, healthy, and happy.
Now her family and friends are just as disappointed and sad that she is gone. The doctors did a great job on the surgery and her nurses worked hard to care for her. But her body had an extremely rare reaction to the medication that was given to help her through the surgery. So she started to slip away. You can’t predict those kinds of rare events and it leaves you with bunches of question and discouragements. It was a very bad day. Yet, our family knows that she is with Jesus. We also know that she is with her mom, GG, and they are laughing and enjoying each other. How nice that they are together.
When we miss her, when we are lonesome for her friendship and wanting to hear her voice, we will all remind ourselves what she reminded herself just a few days ago: It’s not about me, it’s about what’s best for her.
Amen
David Curry
January 18, 2012
