So often we tend to get accustomed to, and tacitly support, the most dysfunctional situations and arrangements. We convince ourselves that “that’s just the way it is” or “it’s always been there”.
The warning for all of us is to never become so comfortable with our own eccentricities, and the quirks of our organization, that we learn to function in our own dysfunction. When you do this, you continue the bad habits and unhealthy patterns of relating that are holding you back.
Here are a few thoughts on how to break out of dysfunction:
Know the truth: What does healthy look like? What would a healthy person or organization do? If you have a healthy example it will give you some idea about what is possible and how you and your group can improve. Often people don’t recognize the full extent of their dysfunction because they are so close to the problem.
Speak honestly: Dysfunction in organizations breeds in a culture that lacks candor. Over the years I have been surprised how often people will tell me “everything is great” when I know they’re miserable. The sicker the group, the more the problem has been pushed underground. In the most dysfunctional groups, they will fight you tooth and nail to keep their dysfunction alive, because they are so comfortable with it.
Change your patterns: While you can’t control others, you can decide to act in healthy ways yourself. Swimming against the stream of dysfunction is the only way to act in a dysfunctional situation. Be healthy, even at the risk of being rejected by truly unhealthy people. They must either accept your healthy way of interacting, or reject you, there is no middle ground.
Don’t learn to function in your dysfunction.
David Curry
