In my new book, First Aid for Enablers, I make a statement that some people question, but which I firmly believe to be true: “Where there is an addict, there is always an enabler.”
It’s impossible to manage a life with addiction unless someone, or many someones, are making excuses, covering bases, paying bills and working around, the addict.
The need nurture and protect the ones we love is natural, yet enabling takes that natural impulse and mutates it into a dangerous mixture. What was once loving and thoughtful, is now co-dependent, sick, selfish and dangerous.
Co-dependent: because the enabler needs the addict to validate them.
Sick: because the enabling activity is helping the addict destroy their life, yet the enabler can’t let go.
Selfish: because the enabler often won’t let go because of their own needs, not the needs or health of the addict.
Dangerous: because with many drugs the enabling continuous right up until death, when it’s too late.
Do you know an addict? Are you tempted to do things for them that a normal person would do themselves? Why is it so hard to see how our actions are contributing to the addiction?
Let me know what you think.
David Curry
